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[Phone rings] Ann: “HOCUS POCUS.” Customer [takes a beat]: “That’s a modern-day Halloween classic!” Ann: “Yup. Good background checks aren’t magic. But they might seem like it.” Customer [groans]: “Oh man that was cheesy.” Ann [hangs stuffed bat and broom on outside the office door, puts candy on table]: “I feel like a bubbling caldron…
[Phone rings] Ann: “I GOT A ROCK.” Customer [takes a beat]: “Is that from the Peanuts Halloween Special?” Ann: “Yup. Poor old Charlie Brown.” Customer: “Yeah, of course, Linus was in the pumpkin patch all night waiting for the Great Pumpkin.” Ann [turns on the fairy lights on her battery-powered Halloween sweater]: “You got time…
[Phone rings] Ann: “TRICK OR TREAT!” Customer [takes a beat]: “Still feeling festive?” Ann: “Well, yeah. Cutting Edge, Ann speaking.” Customer: “I know where you can’t tell a scary story.” Ann [takes large swallow of her pumpkin spice latte]: “Try me.” Customer: “References. Everyone can find a coupla decent references.” Ann [turns off office light,…
[Phone rings] Ann: “BOO!” Customer [takes a beat] Ann: “Sorry, feeling festive. Cutting Edge, Ann speaking.” Customer: “Are you a fan of horror movies?” Ann: “Stephen King books keep me at night.” [Believes it has nothing to do with 8 cups of coffee] Customer: “I’m feeling festive, too. Why don’t you spin us a yarn…
[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “I’m bringin’ in some contractors, and they can’t possibly be a liability.” Ann (wonders what planet this guy came from, swallows her bran muffin): “Do tell.” Customer: “They’re gonna work offsite. They can’t take a swing at my customers and they can’t steal from their co-workers….
[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “I have this real short-term project, and I’m gonna pick up some contractors, just for this one deal.” Ann (takes a large swallow of kale juice): “How many of your daughter’s college roommates are you going to hire?” Customer: “HEY—how did you know. . .” Ann…
[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “I have this real high-end project, and I’m gonna pick up some contractors for this deal.” Ann (wonders if Phillip Marlow got his start this way): “Wow. Sounds fancy!” Customer: “Darn tootin’! And if this job works out for this customer, I expect there will be…
[Phone rings] Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “So, I gotta guy. . .actually, several guys. . .” Ann (pours yesterday’s coffee into cup, microwaves for a minute): “Mmmmm-hmmmmm.” Customer: “They don’t, per se, work for me. They’re independent contractors.” Ann (smells coffee, decides it’s good enough for a Tuesday): “Mmmmm-hmmmmm.” Customer: “So, I…
Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “I’ve enjoyed tripping down the ivy halls with you this past month.” Ann (thinks fondly back on her salad days): “Thanks! I hope you start doing education verifications.” Customer: “We will. . .I can’t believe I mighta gotten took. Tell me I’m not alone.” Ann (tilts head like…
Ann: “Cutting Edge, this is Ann.” Customer: “I have a great applicant. They got a master’s degree from Whitehall Accordia University.” Ann (never heard of Whitehall Accordia and after 23 years in the business I’ve heard of most of them): “I’d verify that, just to be sure.” Customer: “I already did. I called the registrar…
Hiring employees in today’s world can be challenging in many ways. With these simple tips and guidelines, you can learn how to avoid toxic workers in a #MeToo, High-Tech, Active Shooter, Headlines, Juries and Ban the Box world.